Pondering upon career paths.

I guess it is sort of true when I choose the road for design, one of the reasons was that I wasn't good at the scientific side of the academics.. but of course.. when all your life you were studying on the science stream.. making a leap to the art stream is a very big decision.. you might experience other people being better than you at basics just because they were an art student from the start.. but of course.. having passion can change ones game.. but how long can you struggle to achieve that dream.. before you'd forget about all the important things around you. Sometimes people say "Hey, its something you like right? So why hate doing it?" Then I'd say "Sometimes, just because you like it.. doesn't mean you'd do it." You should instead ask, what do you like about it? Just because people like football doesn't mean they wanna be a professional footballer, Just because people like photography doesn't mean they want to be a photographer. They tend to be things that we wanna do out of our freetime or pleasure that some people had changed into their career. So what happens then when people picks up something as their passion/career? Well.. for my case.. I'd just wanted to get involved with what I see on screen everyday.. and thats a very vague scope for me.. So I tried narrowing it down by studying into certain fields... from design.. to an animator.. I always liked to draw.. but obviously I didn't have the courage to continue after facing very harsh criticism.. Its like all those hours of practice and work didn't made a single difference in that person's eyes. Hopes crushed, I moved on to another field... Design. Design was actually pretty hard to handle at first.. The basics were hard to apply to your work. Originality always get questioned when you use a certain principle. So at the end of the day, nothing is as original as it is in design lately. Which I got tired of with clients who just don't keep the end of their deal and being treated like a robot. Which leads me to being employed by a company instead for a more stable job of income. I was interested in Post-production but I never had the chance. It felt hard as hell when doing motion graphics and I can see how much time and effort is put into certain visuals, but it always feels as if you know the technical stuff, you'd be able to do it no sweat. after all.. lecturers always told me After Effects was sorta like Photoshop except video, and with that I edited videos with AE as if it was like photoshop... a really time and effort consuming photoshop. On to the next, I went to a certain company to study animation at the same time try to explore and be inspired by it.. and hell of course I was inspired the shit out of animation. But at the end of this line, you'll get tired and deadlines and time constraints just don't let you feel as if your work is play anymore.

Which leads me to the current situation.... "What do you want to do now Jon? Would you want to continue this career? or stop because you can't take it anymore? The answer is not that simple anymore as you get older. Time slips further away from you. Though you're not the one to be complaining... Hell.. You're not even 21 yet.. but of course.. change in general in anyway in your life.. would have a price to pay for it.. You want to get another job? You'd have to be prepared or suffer financial problems. You want to change careers? You'd have to work for that money you need to study for another course you want. You just want to get a job and earn cash up the ranks? You either get stuck at a certain payslip forever or have no better future job options." So you see.. life only has one shot at your careers.. you either keep trying till the end.. or keep on changing and hope you feel satisfied with what you've accomplished. So what do I wanna do? I don't know... I'm not interested at anything anymore at the moment.. you could say I'm very tired and I just want to focus all the stuff that's outside my career. After all.. I've always wanted to have a life that isn't about your career/interests only. As I said before.. life consists of the little things like a cup of cofee on a relaxing evening, or a date with a girl that you've always wanted to go out with. Having a hobby that suffices as enough accomplishment in your life.. because the more you know it.. I'm just that of a simple man. I don't need to be the best designer/animator/artist/gunpla builder in the world... I just want to live life with its little happy things. I don't want to earn up to millions.. not even hundreds.. I'd be happy if I just had savings and EPF each month. I'd be happy if my stomach was full each meal. I'd be happy if my house was small but comfortable. I'd be happy if I am just able to talk to my friends and laugh with them everyday. I'd be happy if I was so free to a point to makeover myself and take care of my hygiene. I'd be happy if there were just this happy little things.. :) So at the end of the whole thing.. What do you want to do Jon? All I could say is.. all I want to be is happy. All I want is for me to go to bed comfortable every night... hahahahah.. Thats all I can say for now..

Life out of college.

Hello there. It's been a hell long of a time every since I've posted. I wanted to make a post as soon as I graduate but I just felt too lazy to do it. But now here it is, an update.

First of all. Let's talk about leaving college and entering the working life for the first time. It was quite an uncomfortable transition but I didn't kill myself over it. I've gotten used to working life and have already forgotten about the college days even though it was only yesterday. Half a year has already passed since I've started working. Days like these seem endless to me... it feels like I have fallen into another abyss. I have a loan to pay and a commitment to hold every month. Yes, the adult life seems very plain and boring to me. No hangouts, no friends, colleagues are kept as colleagues due to trust issues. Games are getting boring, life is getting a lot more on the small side where something simple is enough to satisfy me, yet I still feel restless.

Feels like life has moved on to episode two. Everything is way different than it is during high school building up to now. Family is a lot more important as you grow older. Friends are too. Choose them wisely. It feels sad that I am not sociable enough and sometimes painful to think that I am alone, but I am also conflicted by the fact that I want to have alone time. So I look for stuffs to do alone. (i.e. a Hobby).

Here is a picture of my Hobby.

Life might feel quite meaningless but I also remember that I am pursuing a career, but if this is what I really wanted. I would not have complained in the first place. Truth is, I don't know what I really want. Life isn't just about your dreams. I can only wonder what's in store for me next.  I also might be am a very weak Christian right now as I have not gone to church at all(Probably once in a blue moon). Its very complicated.

Hoping to have a partner to share my life with, but at the same time too stubborn to change my own habit to get one. I've gotten tired of doing anything. I mostly focus on my personal stuffs now rather than people. I  might be turning in to am a very selfish person. 

What lies ahead I think? Well... I hope I have the strength to see through it till the end.

Hello Autumn 2013!

Hello there, its been awhile again since I've updated from during my internship. Lets just say. All is well. It went out okay. Its not the best, but I'm very happy with the experience. No regrets. Though I still haven't finish my final report yet.. SHIT!

Soooo, JB was a nice holiday. I get to hang out with my high school friends more. Plus get to know my junior, Woody; more. Though he didn't ask my name and just wrote 'Sotong' when I went to buy a drink at Starbucks - -. Enjoyed my stay at JB for around 3 days. Felt quite relaxed at places like this that brings back memories that was only 2-4 years behind yet feels so nostalgic. Huh.... normally the word nostalgic is used to relate to something really far back. Oh well. Moving on, met up for the gathering on Saturday lunch. enjoyed Japanese ramen. Soon that I realized, I was already back in Subang living a lifeless life everyday just on the internet while waiting for the new semester to start. 

Ah yes. Animu this fall has some of my favourites, so it ain't that half bad. :). That's all for now. Oh yes. updated music on blog.. enjoy this slow jazz. Peace out!

ITS TIME. FOR INTERNSHIP. >:)

こんにちは! Hello! A short post from me in awhile. This time of the year is when the battles get hard and having absolute resolve and steel determination is what gets me through this semester. It will be the hardest hurdle I'll face ever yet. At the same time. Its gonna be the most exciting adventure of my career life!

Currenty I am an Intern Animator in Les' Copaque Sdn. Bhd. (For those who dont know what company it is, its the company that makes Upin and Ipin and Pada Zaman Dahulu).

Now I know how people don't like to do stuff like this or people say "Doing 3D work like that? Pfft. Thats humiliating."

All I can say to that person is that they are missing out on a lot of stuff and they don't understand how fun it is at this company and how much you'll learn and how good the standard is here. Animation here is tough with tight deadlines. But 3d modeling too is tough with the discipline and how neat your work needs to be compared to animation :).

So there is a fair amount of struggle in each departments, thats all I could say. Apart from work here in the company, its quite a ward and friendly company because everyone here wants to be creative and have fun while working. Learning is a though process. It takes time, effort, and practice to hone your skills and get a better understanding. 

しかあああああああああし！BUUUUUUUUT!

THAT WONT STOP ME FROM MY ADVENTURE UP THE STAIRS IN MY CAREER!

いくぜ! ONWARD! TOWARDS VICTORY~!

with steel determination. absolute resolve. and fiery passion. >:)

Reality strikes.

Sup..... its been awhile since I posted.... I've just finished my 6th semester and next semester is Industrial Training.. or known as.. Internship. I've found my identity and self-branding in design. I've gotten closer to people I like; and, had all the opportunity I could get with that special someone. Though I've not been taking any of those opportunities... rather.. I just shun them away from me. Today I woke up from a dream that has "TOLD" me so hard... the first thing i did when i open my eyes was shout "F***, F***! , F***KING! F***K!". Yes I was extremely pissed at what my dream told me I could have done while I was that...

The train station that I waited at.

photo taken from here

Could have, Would have, Should have. Its all gone now. Though when another opportunity comes. I'm still not sure if I'll hesitate or I'll make my move. As the older I get.. falling in love with people happens even lesser... and letting it go is even harder...
--REALITY--
 That being said, let me explain to you that timeless Monday night when I was coming back from college done with my assignments and going to retire for the night. I accompanied her on the way back because its on the way home to my place anyway. That was the biggest opportunity I got so far. Just me, and her, sitting together in the train station.. just... waiting... for the train... no one was even on our platform.. it was already 10.30pm that time. So we just talked. Discussed about internship and further more. Train arrived; I just went it and waited for my stop. I felt a bit sad that she didn't join the same coach as me and went to the women's coach instead because it was already late. I felt a bit useless for not making her feeling secure enough and what not... But my stop came first so it was best she wasn't in this coach anyway. I got off, she just texted me goodbye and I texted back..
--DREAM--
So, this is was a rebuild of what could have happened that night in my dream. We were there.. talking..... my dream showed me...
I asked if I could hold her hand. I did. I talked to her seriously about what I really think about her. I wasn't even tensed... I was just relaxed... speaking like it was my last day of my life..  "Ya know.. my friend told me I am a "flower heart"(花心), because... in high school.. 1 moment I liked a girl.. the next moment I liked another, but this time its different... I've been looking at you for around 2 years already, of course there was some moment that some other girl was on my mind, but I came back immediately after that and just totally forgotten about her.. so far.. you're the only girl that's on my mind... I wish you could be my girlfriend.. and I wish to only be you on my mind... I've gotten to know more about you for over these two years.. and I only grew to like you, the more I know you every time"

so fuckin' naive, cheesy and stupid

andddddddd bam. I woke up and had FEELS and RAGE immediately.... sigh...... though I keep telling myself its just a dream.... but my heart thinks its not just a dream...

Livin' in a new place! Livin' in a new room! I finally have a room!

Hey guys, I'm just back after a long inactivity since December and before getting to the main part, I'm just going to update on what happened since I was gone. December was great. I had fun. It started out quite bad at first but then I just got on with in and put it behind me. I enjoyed my time with my bros at the reunion sleepover party and catch up with each other and get to know what we've all be doing currently. This semester break is the last I might have in JB so I took sometime to prepare myself for leaving, well.. for good. For now, I'll not be going back to JB for sometime but maybe when I have the time I'll drive myself back all the way to JB or take a bus down to meet some of my bros. Not all of us are in JB right now. Most of us are in KL but our buddies back in JB and also in UK still will be missed. Though we are on skype everyday, going out and hanging out means a big difference then just chatting on skype daily.

So, I left JB, me and my family did some packing because we're moving to a new place. I now just moved to the next taman in Subang. Life felt a bit easier since for the first time in years I've been properly taken care of financially by my parents. Now I know I've been sort of a bad kid living off my parents money, but I try to give back sometimes even though I'm lazy. I have to thank my parents for giving me my own room and all the stuff along with it, because for once I feel very comfortable at home for once. "Hey I have my own room finally! I can do my stuff in peace". Even my assignments ;).

This is my room with my PC and my own bed for once :)

"So, Yeah... I have my own room... finally... but somehow I don't feel as happy as expected but I'm.. mmmmm... sorta at ease now". Got a new PC for my Multimedia Freelance and for future to come.

Xeon, Sapphire 7850HD 2GB, Asus Board. ;)

I also got another thing new from my parents (thanks to them again). Finally! Ladies and gentlemen I have finally got my FIRST(yes first... orz) touchscreen phone.. and also its of the new age phone.. :D I put my K800i and my brothers Nokia XpressMusic into the archives now..

OWH YEAH!

This sem is abit adventurous.. I have subjects like 3D Animation, Web Design, Design Project Management and Production in Multimedia! So yeah all the heavy works are out this sem and time management is really essential this term.. and yet I still such at pro at procrastinating :/ boy this sucks.

So yeah thats all about it. I'm sorry if I'm being too showing off but there is literally.. nothing to put on here or talk about.. just the small changes in life.. but it means alot to me.. Thats all!

December is here!

 ｷﾀ━━━━━━(ﾟ∀ﾟ)━━━━━━ !!!!

December is here! 

Its the month of the year where I take a break from my studies and retreat back to my hometown and enjoy myself. Although this holiday is still cut a bit short because my family is prepared to move up into Selangor. This semester was a short sem like every end year in my college. It was rushed, but still we only had 3 subjects and I noticed I'm getting better in workflow. So I'm happy that I'm able to sort my workflow out.

D7AAX is out already but it hasn't reached Malaysia yet.

Gonna practice and research some videos in D5 for this sem break's D5 campaign. Feels abit boring now. I wished Jusco had the new D7AAX so I could also try it out. But it is very boring indeed. I've stored up "some" anime and games this holiday season just to keep myself occupied.

Well, thats it for this short sem.. it just came and went just like that. Next semester's gotta be even more tougher. I still can't do much on my own. Here is a link to my portfolio website. This is my final assignment for E-Publishing that shows all the previous works too. I'm a Multimedia Design Student. :)

Credit goes to this my friend who helped me find a new free music player. Check out his blog if you want. 

Hope you enjoy your December Holidays! Cheers!