Reality strikes.

Sup..... its been awhile since I posted.... I've just finished my 6th semester and next semester is Industrial Training.. or known as.. Internship. I've found my identity and self-branding in design. I've gotten closer to people I like; and, had all the opportunity I could get with that special someone. Though I've not been taking any of those opportunities... rather.. I just shun them away from me. Today I woke up from a dream that has "TOLD" me so hard... the first thing i did when i open my eyes was shout "F***, F***! , F***KING! F***K!". Yes I was extremely pissed at what my dream told me I could have done while I was that...

The train station that I waited at.

photo taken from here

Could have, Would have, Should have. Its all gone now. Though when another opportunity comes. I'm still not sure if I'll hesitate or I'll make my move. As the older I get.. falling in love with people happens even lesser... and letting it go is even harder...
--REALITY--
 That being said, let me explain to you that timeless Monday night when I was coming back from college done with my assignments and going to retire for the night. I accompanied her on the way back because its on the way home to my place anyway. That was the biggest opportunity I got so far. Just me, and her, sitting together in the train station.. just... waiting... for the train... no one was even on our platform.. it was already 10.30pm that time. So we just talked. Discussed about internship and further more. Train arrived; I just went it and waited for my stop. I felt a bit sad that she didn't join the same coach as me and went to the women's coach instead because it was already late. I felt a bit useless for not making her feeling secure enough and what not... But my stop came first so it was best she wasn't in this coach anyway. I got off, she just texted me goodbye and I texted back..
--DREAM--
So, this is was a rebuild of what could have happened that night in my dream. We were there.. talking..... my dream showed me...
I asked if I could hold her hand. I did. I talked to her seriously about what I really think about her. I wasn't even tensed... I was just relaxed... speaking like it was my last day of my life..  "Ya know.. my friend told me I am a "flower heart"(花心), because... in high school.. 1 moment I liked a girl.. the next moment I liked another, but this time its different... I've been looking at you for around 2 years already, of course there was some moment that some other girl was on my mind, but I came back immediately after that and just totally forgotten about her.. so far.. you're the only girl that's on my mind... I wish you could be my girlfriend.. and I wish to only be you on my mind... I've gotten to know more about you for over these two years.. and I only grew to like you, the more I know you every time"

so fuckin' naive, cheesy and stupid

andddddddd bam. I woke up and had FEELS and RAGE immediately.... sigh...... though I keep telling myself its just a dream.... but my heart thinks its not just a dream...