I guess it is sort of true when I choose the road for design, one of the reasons was that I wasn't good at the scientific side of the academics.. but of course.. when all your life you were studying on the science stream.. making a leap to the art stream is a very big decision.. you might experience other people being better than you at basics just because they were an art student from the start.. but of course.. having passion can change ones game.. but how long can you struggle to achieve that dream.. before you'd forget about all the important things around you. Sometimes people say "Hey, its something you like right? So why hate doing it?" Then I'd say "Sometimes, just because you like it.. doesn't mean you'd do it." You should instead ask, what do you like about it? Just because people like football doesn't mean they wanna be a professional footballer, Just because people like photography doesn't mean they want to be a photographer. They tend to be things that we wanna do out of our freetime or pleasure that some people had changed into their career. So what happens then when people picks up something as their passion/career? Well.. for my case.. I'd just wanted to get involved with what I see on screen everyday.. and thats a very vague scope for me.. So I tried narrowing it down by studying into certain fields... from design.. to an animator.. I always liked to draw.. but obviously I didn't have the courage to continue after facing very harsh criticism.. Its like all those hours of practice and work didn't made a single difference in that person's eyes. Hopes crushed, I moved on to another field... Design. Design was actually pretty hard to handle at first.. The basics were hard to apply to your work. Originality always get questioned when you use a certain principle. So at the end of the day, nothing is as original as it is in design lately. Which I got tired of with clients who just don't keep the end of their deal and being treated like a robot. Which leads me to being employed by a company instead for a more stable job of income. I was interested in Post-production but I never had the chance. It felt hard as hell when doing motion graphics and I can see how much time and effort is put into certain visuals, but it always feels as if you know the technical stuff, you'd be able to do it no sweat. after all.. lecturers always told me After Effects was sorta like Photoshop except video, and with that I edited videos with AE as if it was like photoshop... a really time and effort consuming photoshop. On to the next, I went to a certain company to study animation at the same time try to explore and be inspired by it.. and hell of course I was inspired the shit out of animation. But at the end of this line, you'll get tired and deadlines and time constraints just don't let you feel as if your work is play anymore.
Which leads me to the current situation.... "What do you want to do now Jon? Would you want to continue this career? or stop because you can't take it anymore? The answer is not that simple anymore as you get older. Time slips further away from you. Though you're not the one to be complaining... Hell.. You're not even 21 yet.. but of course.. change in general in anyway in your life.. would have a price to pay for it.. You want to get another job? You'd have to be prepared or suffer financial problems. You want to change careers? You'd have to work for that money you need to study for another course you want. You just want to get a job and earn cash up the ranks? You either get stuck at a certain payslip forever or have no better future job options." So you see.. life only has one shot at your careers.. you either keep trying till the end.. or keep on changing and hope you feel satisfied with what you've accomplished. So what do I wanna do? I
don't know... I'm not interested at anything anymore at the moment.. you could say I'm very tired and I just want to focus all the stuff that's outside my career. After all.. I've always wanted to have a life that isn't about your career/interests only. As I said before.. life consists of the little things like a cup of cofee on a relaxing evening, or a date with a girl that you've always wanted to go out with. Having a hobby that suffices as enough accomplishment in your life.. because the more you know it.. I'm just that of a simple man. I don't need to be the best designer/animator/artist/gunpla builder in the world... I just want to live life with its little happy things. I don't want to earn up to millions.. not even hundreds.. I'd be happy if I just had savings and EPF each month. I'd be happy if my stomach was full each meal. I'd be happy if my house was small but comfortable. I'd be happy if I am just able to talk to my friends and laugh with them everyday. I'd be happy if I was so free to a point to makeover myself and take care of my hygiene. I'd be happy if there were just this happy little things.. :) So at the end of the whole thing.. What do you want to do Jon? All I could say is.. all I want to be is happy. All I want is for me to go to bed comfortable every night... hahahahah.. Thats all I can say for now..
